Relocating To Elfland

I try to be charitably disposed toward our friends at the New York Times, really I do, but the depth of fatuity to which some of their op-ed stuff sinks simply invites derision.

Here’s a gem from Gail Collins celebrating Tax Day; the flourish with which she ends should inspire us all:

“Paying a lot of taxes should be a badge of honor. It proves you made it into the league of big money-makers, not to mention the fact that you’re supporting the upkeep of the Grand Canyon. If the I.R.S. had been doing its marketing properly, little kids would dream of growing up to become really big taxpayers.”

Well, dingblast it, why didn’t we think of this before? Can’t you see the TV ad? An avuncular Uncle Sam, armed with a big stick, chases rich kids around a playground; as the music swells, he grabs away their lunch money (they have more at home), bestowing it on a group of poor kids happily swarming around him; overdub a cheery female voice, “Come on, all you kids, to Uncle Sam’s fun park. Rich kids receive this shiny platinum badge [insert closeup of shiny platinum badge]. Poor kids get free lunch. See local IRS office for details. And watch out for that stick!” Yes. That’s a winner.

Adults coveting the badge of honor might ponder a blurb by the late Richard John Neuhaus in the December 2006 edition of First Things:

“There are little exchanges that stick in memory. It was a conversation many years ago with Eugene Carson Blake. He was then the oldline Protestant establishment’s main man in just about everything, beginning with the Presbyterian Church (USA) and the National Council of Churches. Blake was complaining one day about the lack of compassion among conservatives who whined about high taxes. ‘I love to pay taxes,’ he said. ‘Taxes are the way we help government to help people. I wish I could pay twice as much in income tax as I do.’ Being very much his junior, I hesitantly suggested that the Treasury Department would gladly accept his check for the extra money he wanted to give the government. ‘That,’ he dismissively responded, ‘would be quixotic. In a just society, I would be required to pay higher taxes.’ I suggested that one might view it not as quixotic but as a way in which he could set a good example. The conversation then turned to other matters.”

Happy Tax Day, everyone!